It’s Monday night, 11:25pm. I’m sitting here with my toddler who is apparently suffering from a sugar high. Someone got the great idea to buy her suckers and the idiot that I AM, I put them up on the bar within her eyesight. That was earlier.

Suddenly, a little voice in my head says hey genius, where’s the suckers? Its then that I realize, um, my daughter is playing quietly in her room. WAY too quietly. Playing a little game called “What color sucker is THIS one?” followed by the eating of the sucker.

Needless to say, we’re out of suckers.

So my daughter is awake at 11:30 at night. I don’t even care because my husband is out of town for the week YET AGAIN and dammit, I’m lonely.

At the moment, I’m amusing myself her by throwing darts at a propped up dart board. When I say propped up, I mean its sitting on the floor across the room nestled against my daughter’s tiny chair and my movie rack. I’ve hit it maybe three times. Items surrounding the board have been hit a hundred more times. I even hit my husband’s chair and it’s sitting TWO FEET in front of me. Appalling. Simply appalling.

I can’t wait to get drunk and try it out in a bar. With people mingling around the board. Should be interesting.

By the way, I am NOT the one who got the bright idea to put the dartboard on the floor. Or even in the house. I TRIED discouraging my husband when he wanted to get it because OMG it was only NINE dollars on clearance. I was all “WHERE are you going to put it? Don’t even THINK about taking any of the wall decorations down to make room for it! When are you ever going to use it? Think of the children!”

You always have to throw that last one in. Just because you can.

But we bought the damn dartboard. And three boxes of SUPER SHARP darts. These darts ain’t messing around. They mean business. My husband tried one out the first night and aimed for MY LIVING ROOM WALL. As if that didn’t piss me off, he hit one of my beloved wall decorations. There was a loud CLAANK! noise and the dart fell to the ground.

“Oh, I thought that was wood!” Um, no Einstein. You hit the ONLY metal item on the wall. And why would you aim for my wall pretties anyway?

Men.

…Psst, we’re going to ignore the fact that I just hit the aforementioned item TWICE and giggled about it. Okay? Okay.