What is going ON with this week? Seriously. Last night was fine, I guess, but it definitely could’ve been better.

And today? Today motherhood punched me in the fucking face. I do not know WHAT kind of evil has possessed my happy-go-lucky baby boy, but dear God I want it GONE. He’s like something straight out of a horror flick. I swear, any minute now his head will spin and he’ll start chanting in Latin. If it comes to that, I can’t be held accountable for my actions. I’m just sayin’.

To more accurately describe the hell I’ve been living today, let me ask you this: have you ever seen the Sharpie commercial where the mom is holding her kid and every time she tries to put him on the floor, he cries but when she picks him up he’s perfectly fine? Yeah. That’s my kid. Except picking him up only holds in the tears for a few minutes. Then he gets bored and starts fucking crying again. So I put him down. He crawls away and promptly pulls himself into a standing position, falls over, looks at me and cries. Rinse and repeat.

Oh! And another lovely gem of the day? I’m running out of diapers but trying to hold off going to the store until tomorrow because HELLO! My kid is CRANKY! This plan was going fine until I noticed a rather disgusting fact: my son has DIARRHEA. Are you fucking KIDDING me?

At least he has an excuse for his crabbiness. I MIGHT let him live.

But still.

It’s been a bad day. And there’s still three hours until bedtime.

Someone hold me. Or take my kid home for the night.